In 2018, my one-act Mystery At Midnight was a John Cauble finalist at the Kennedy Center American College Theater Festival region 4 (KCACTF4) and was invited back the next year for a full production.
This is a video of that 2019 production, directed by my multi-talented friend Amile Wilson with a remarkable cast from Jackson State University, an HBCU in Mississippi.
I have to note that, as written, this is a very white play, but this cast of black actors totally committed to the text and brought the characters to life in a way that I never would have envisioned. I just love this iteration. In order of appearance, the cast is:
Michael Barber as Roger Wright
Broderic Simpson as Monty Black
JoeOnna Kidio as Scarlett Starworthy
Nicholas Armstrong as Essex
DeShadrian Hopkins as Cassie Wayne
Ivory Lowe as Joyce
Ramon Davis as Hugh Pearson
Lauren Fleming as Louella Pearson
Amile Wilson as The Sandwich Man
Nadia Bodie-Smith of Jackson State was the Stage Manager and Designer.
I was so impressed with how these young actors produced this play with no money and a tremendous amount of talent and perseverance. I also have to shout out to Todd Ristau and the Hollins Playwrights Lab for making all this possible, and once again, Amile Wilson for his resourcefulness and friendship.
The full script is below, or just watch the 39 minute video and enjoy.
LIGHTS UP ON
It is New Year’s Eve night, December 31, 1939,
a Sunday, at radio station WFRC in Roanoke,
Virginia. The station is located in the old rooftop
ballroom of the Grand Luxe Hotel. A clock on
the wall shows that it is 11:15 PM.
Centerstage is the live radio studio space,
peppered with microphones and cables snaking
everywhere. Here the actors perform.
Stage left of the live studio, a door separates the
audio booth where the sound engineer works.
His room is filled with broadcast equipment,
including a single turntable, plus all sorts of
hand-made noisemakers and gewgaws.
Stage right of the live studio is a listening room.
Doors lead off from there to the station
manager’s office and to the reception area
offstage.
Speaking at the microphones are ROGER
WRIGHT, the baritone actor whose career never
quite took off. Working with him is SCARLETT
STARWORTHY, former Broadway star (for
about a minute) who stopped in this small
Virginia town on her way to Hollywood three
years ago and still hasn’t left.
On the third microphone is MONTY BLANK,
the man of a dozen voices. The fourth person in
the live studio is PHILOMENA, the aging
organist who provides all the fill music.
Off in his audio booth is ESSEX, the inscrutable
audio engineer and sound man.
Roger, Scarlett, and Monty are all busy on mic
with their scripts, wrapping up a live radio
drama.
ROGER
(on mic as Dash)
“…and stay away, Mongo. It will be a cold day on Neptune before I let you and your
Martian hordes once again take over the Venusian queendom.”
MONTY
(on mic as Mongo)
“Blast you, Dash Flannigan. You haven’t heard the last of me or my hordes.”
ROGER
“Then return to Mars with your tail between your three legs once again. And always
remember, Dash Flannigan is here to spoil your dastardly deeds.”
MONTY
“I’ll be back, Space Ace. I’ll be back!”
Essex, the sound-effects man, spins dials and
blows into tubes to simulate the sounds of a
rocket taking off into the atmosphere.
SCARLETT
(on mic as the Venusian Queen)
“…Dash, you saved us again.”
ROGER
“As long as the sun burns bright, Dash Flannigan will be here to protect you, my Queen.
I swear by the bright flares of my ray gun.”
Essex makes ray gun blasting sounds as
PHILOMENA ends the show with triumphant
organ music.
MONTY
(announcer voice)
Join us again next week for more thrilling adventures of Dash Flannigan, Space Ace, heard
exclusively on WFRC. We Freely Radiate Cheer on your radio dial.
We’ll return shortly with the cowboy adventures of Buck Hyde and his trusty sidekick,
Saddlehorn. And then stay tuned for our New Year’s Eve annual presentation of
“Mystery at Midnight.”
Philomena finishes with a flourish of music.
Essex, the sound man in the booth, gives them a
sign that their mics are off as he begins playing a
recording of upbeat symphonic music on the
turntable.
They all step away from their microphones
with relief.
MONTY (CONT’D)
Well, one more great episode down.
ROGER
Really? Didn’t I save the Venusian Queen from the Martian hordes just last week?
MONTY
Yes, but last time Mongo had a death beam. This time, he had acid-spitting worms.
ROGER
Oh, Mongo, when will you learn?
SCARLETT
And when will the Venusian Queen learn to defend her own home planet without the help
of the meddling space man?
ROGER
Now, Scarlett, the name of the show is Space Ace, not Space Queen.
SCARLETT
That’s fine, as long as our audience consists of nothing but ten-year-old boys. I simply
think it’s a waste of my talent to have the Queen rescued every week by this muscle
bound rocket jockey.
ROGER
Your talent, darling? It’s just a part.
SCARLETT
Of course, but I am used to playing the siren, the femme fatale, the seductress, not an
incompetent regent. Do you know that if I was still New York, I’m certain that I would
have been cast as Regina in Little Foxes.
ROGER
Yes, dear, you have mentioned that once or twice.
SCARLETT
Instead, the part went to that, that … libertine, Tallulah Bankhead. “I hope you die! I
hope you die soon! I’ll be waiting for you to die!”
ROGER
I say, Scarlett, that was a smashing Tallulah.
SCARLETT
That was Regina, you gruesome little man. Do you really think so?
ROGER
Simply smashing.
SCARLETT
You are forgiven.
Scarlett and Roger coo at each for a moment.
CASSIE WAYNE enters. Cassie is in her late 20s
and smartly dressed. She is the general manager
of the station in her father’s absence.
CASSIE
Happy New Year, everyone. Thank you all for being here.
SCARLETT
Do we have a choice?
CASSIE
Well, no, not really. But I want you to know that I appreciate it. Joyce just ordered some
sandwiches from the all night deli and they’ll be here soon.
ROGER
Now Scarlett, it’s our big night. Everyone loves “Mystery at Midnight!”.
SCARLETT
You may love it, Roger, but we’ve done the same show every New Year’s eve.
MONTY
It’s a tradition!
SCARLETT
But now it’s going to be a new decade. Couldn’t we start 1940 off with something new,
something to take advantage of the massive female talent that we have in this room?
ROGER
But Scarlett, you are absolutely smashing every year as Lady Pembernuckle, the dowager
matron of Bedsyde Manor.
SCARLETT
You really think so?
CASSIE
Oh yes, everyone says so. You’re the reason our listeners tune in every year.
SCARLETT
I wouldn’t want to disappoint the fans. But shouldn’t we have a different ending, then?
After all, Lady Pembernuckle expires before the end of the second act.
MONTY
Oh no, the people can’t wait to hear you die.
CASSIE
But that’s what makes it so brilliant. The murderer is revealed just at the stroke of
midnight on New Year’s Eve. Besides, Mrs. Pearson loves the show.
ROGER
That’s true. I think that she forgets every year who the murderer is, so it always comes
as a complete surprise to her.
JOYCE, the kewpie-doll station secretary, comes
in through from the reception area. She’s a
hotsy-totsy tomato in her early 20s but with a
high-pitched voice.
JOYCE
Excuse me, Miss Wayne.
CASSIE
Joyce, we’re practically the same age. I’ve said that you can call me Cassie.
JOYCE
I know, but you’re the boss.
CASSIE
Anyway, what is it?
JOYCE
Oh, it’s Hugh Pearson. He’s on his way up here in a tank.
CASSIE
A tank?
MONTY
It sounds like The Frontier Adventures of Buck Hyde is about to get very interesting.
JOYCE
Not that kind of tank.
CASSIE
What kind of tank would he be in?
HUGH PEARSON bursts through the reception
door wheeling behind him a giant cylindrical
compressed gas tank.
JOYCE
I meant “with”, not “in”.
Hugh is in his early to mid-30s, but appears
younger. He is wearing an ill-fitting suit that
looks like he borrowed it from an older brother.
He wheels the gas tank into the studio.
HUGH
Hey, everybody, look what I scored!
Hugh is greeted unenthusiastically.
Essex taps on the window from his control
booth and points to his watch.
MONTY
Everyone, we’re about to go live with Buck Hyde.
As the actors assemble at their mics, Cassie
drags Hugh back out through the doors into the
listening area. Joyce follows them.
Essex gives the actors a countdown through the
glass and the show starts.
MONTY (CONT’D)
And now, WFRC presents another thrilling chapter in the adventures of Buck Hyde,
Frontiersman, and his trusted companion, Saddlehorn the cowboy wonder!
Essex creates the sounds of whistling and
thundering hooves.
Monty steps back from the microphone and
yells.
MONTY (CONT’D)
“Yee-haw, ride ’em cowboy!”
SCARLETT
“Return to me someday, my brave frontiersman…!”
ROGER
(as Buck Hyde)
“Come, Saddlehorn. To the west!”
Essex creates the sound of horses galloping into
the distance. Philomena slows down the rousing
score and settles into a jaunty western tune.
MONTY
(as announcer)
When last we left our daring duo, they were hot on the trail of that dastardly cattle
rustler, Durango Dick.
ROGER
(as Buck)
“Come Saddlehorn, Durango Dick can’t stay away from his rotgut for long, and I have a
feeling we’ll find him in this saloon.”
MONTY
(as the adolescent Saddlehorn)
“But Buck, aren’t I too young to go in that saloon?”
ROGER
“Right you are, lad. You are too young to see what men become under the influence of the
demon rum. You stay here with the horses, I’ll go find Dick.”
MONTY
“Sure thing, Buck.”
Essex makes a whinnying sound, then the sound
of boots walking across a wooden sidewalk and
through swinging saloon doors.
[NOTE: the radio actors should continue
vamping in the studio while Cassie confronts
Hugh in the listening area.]
CASSIE
Hugh, what on earth are you doing?
HUGH
I got us a bunch of new sponsors, including Barbee Balloons. Do you know how hard it
was to get them to give up one of their compressed gas tanks on New Year’s Eve?
CASSIE
What do we need it for? And why did you bring it up here?
HUGH
Where else can I put it? Hey, maybe the sound guy can use it to blow up balloons and
then pop them for the sound of gunshots.
CASSIE
Hugh, I am the station manager. You’re supposed to clear all new commercial
sponsorships with me.
HUGH
If that’s true, then why did you make me the head of sales?
CASSIE
I didn’t make you the head of sales, your aunt did. And you know the only reason you
got that position is because your family owns this hotel.
HUGH
And the only reason you became General Manager is because your father gave you the
job.
CASSIE
No, my father trained me for the job. There’s a difference. I’ve been working here since I
was a teenager. I know the radio business.
HUGH
So do I, Cassie. And I also know that Aunt Lou is thinking of shutting this all down.
CASSIE
Shutting down the radio station?
HUGH
Roger.
JOYCE
Roger is shutting down the station? But he’s so handsome!
CASSIE
Why? We’ve been broadcasting from the hotel for ten years. Your Aunt loves having
WFRC here.
HUGH
She loved it when your father was in charge. Now she’s not so sure.
CASSIE
I suspect that’s you talking, not her.
HUGH
In any case, I’ve been given the go ahead to punch things up. And I’ve been talking to the
folks at the Delta Broadcasting Network.
CASSIE
The network? What?
HUGH
Some of their executives are here in the hotel for New Year’s Eve, and I’ll make sure that
they listen to tonight’s programs.
CASSIE
I don’t understand.
HUGH
Think of it, Cassie. If Delta puts WFRC on their network, we’ll be heard all up and down
the mid-Atlantic coast. We’ll have thousands of new listeners, and they’ll all want to
come here to Roanoke and stay in the Grand Luxe hotel.
CASSIE
So this is all about your family’s business?
HUGH
Of course it is. Why do you think my Aunt Lou let your father set up a radio station here
in the penthouse ballroom?
CASSIE
Because your aunt enjoys radio. It’s her contact to the outside world.
HUGH
You’ve only known Louella Pearson as an old blind matron living in the past. In her
prime, she was a shrewd business woman. She will understand this deal.
Scarlett enters the listening area from the studio.
HUGH (CONT’D)
All I have to do is to show her, and the men from Delta, the value of this station. When
WFRC reaches thousands of new listeners, we’ll have real Broadway stars just begging to
come to Roanoke. That’s what I promised my Aunt Lou. I’m trying to save the station,
Cassie. And we’ll just see who’s general manager then.
Cassie
Do you say things like that just to get under my skin?
HUGH
Maybe. You’re awfully cute when you’re mad. Come along, Joyce. I have some scripts
for you to prepare.
Joyce shrugs at Cassie, but Cassie is too
agitated to notice. Joyce leaves with Hugh.
CASSIE
Grr…! Sometimes I just want to smack him.
SCARLETT
With your fists or your lips?
CASSIE
(contemplating)
Fists first.
SCARLETT
What does he mean “real Broadway stars”? I’ll have you know that I understudied to
Tallulah Bankhead herself.
CASSIE
Scarlett, aren’t you on the air?
SCARLETT
I have only one line in the entire script. “Return to me someday, my brave
frontiersman…!” The rest is just cowboys threatening to shoot each other. It’s practically
the same thing every week. So what was that preening little peacock going on about?
CASSIE
Oh, Hugh thinks some network executives might be listening to WFRC.
SCARLETT
(pleased)
Really?
CASSIE
Just between us girls, sometimes I wish that my father were here. He’s doing important
work in London, but you know that Hugh Pearson wouldn’t try to steamroll another
man.
SCARLETT
I never understood why your father went off to a war zone, anyway.
CASSIE
When the War Department rings, you answer that call. He was in the signal corp in the
Great War, and when General Marshall asked for a civilian radio network in Britain, my
father responded.
SCARLETT
It must already be 1940 in London. I wonder how they’re celebrating?
Scarlett looks around at her surroundings with
disdain. It’s clear she wants to be somewhere
else.
CASSIE
Scarlett, you must know that Britain and France are keeping strict nighttime blackouts.
No one knows what Herr Hitler has up his sleeve. I doubt that anyone in much of Europe
is celebrating right now.
SCARLETT
(sighing)
I suppose you’re right.
CASSIE
What’s on your mind?
SCARLETT
This is my third New Year’s eve here at WFRC. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the
work and you’ve all become something like family to me. But I was supposed to be on
my way to Hollywood.
CASSIE
And then your car broke down here in Roanoke. And then your agent disappeared with
all of your money. And before you could get out to Hollywood, the studio you were
testing for burnt to the ground. Yes, I remember.
SCARLETT
Of all the luck. How does all that happen to one person?
CASSIE
But now you’re here making great radio drama.
Scarlett and Cassie stop to listen to the show
coming out of the studio for a moment.
MONTY
(as Durango Dick)
“Take that, frontiersman. And that. And that.”
Essex is popping balloons to make gunfire
sounds.
ROGER
(as Buck Hyde)
“Give it up, Durango Dick. You’re no match for me and my trusty six-shooter.”
MONTY
(as Saddlehorn)
“You get him, Buck. Durango Dick’s cattle rustling days are over!”
Essex pops more balloons.
SCARLETT
It’s not exactly the Great White Way, is it?
CASSIE
It’s not Broadway, no, but Scarlett, you’re the finest actress I’ve ever seen.
SCARLETT
Really? Have you ever been to Broadway? Have you ever seen Tallulah Bankhead?
CASSIE
No, but … huh? I thought you hated her.
SCARLETT
I revile her! But if I had never left Broadway, today I would be Tallulah Bankhead.
CASSIE
Well I’m glad that you’re Scarlett Starworthy.
SCARLETT
From your mouth to the network executive’s ears.
CASSIE
Oh! Speaking of, isn’t it about time to get ready for “Mystery at Midnight”?
SCARLETT
I suppose it is. Let me just go powder my nose.
CASSIE
We’re on the radio. No one can see you.
SCARLETT
It’s show business, my dear.
Scarlett heads toward the door that exits to the
reception area. Just as she gets there, the door
swings open and into her, knocking her down.
It’s Hugh Pearson bursting through the door.
Oblivious to what he’s done, he ushers in Joyce
who is carrying armloads of scripts.
CASSIE
Hugh, what have you done?
HUGH
I’ve improved “Mystery at Midnight”!
CASSIE
No, I mean, what have you done to Scarlett?
Hugh is confused as Cassie pushes past him and
tries to help Scarlett to her feet.
CASSIE (CONT’D)
Joyce, give me a hand.
JOYCE’s arms are full of scripts. Not knowing
what else to do, she hands them to Hugh and
rushes over to help Cassie. Hugh is still
confused.
HUGH
So, I’ll just take these into the studio.
Hugh carries the scripts into the studio as
Cassie and Joyce help Scarlett to a nearby
couch. Buck Hyde has just finished and we hear
Philomena play the outro music. The clock says
11:30.
MONTY
It’s 11:30 PM on New Year’s eve. Stay tuned to WFRC for tonight’s presentation of
“Mystery at Midnight”. At WFRC, We Freely Radiate Cheer on your radio dial!
Essex cuts the mics. Monty spots Hugh
carrying in the scripts.
MONTY
(to Hugh)
What’s all that?
HUGH
New scripts.
MONTY
New scripts?
HUGH
Roger.
ROGER
Yes?
MONTY
Roger?
HUGH
Roger. I mean, yes. These are new scripts.
ROGER
New scripts? For me?
HUGH
For “Mystery at Midnight”. I think you’ll like the changes I’ve made.
MONTY
Changes? Does Cassie know about this?
HUGH
Cassie’s busy with Scarlett right now. It looks like she’s been drinking.
ROGER
Drinking? Not again.
Roger dashes out to the listening area as Hugh
sets out the scripts.
Roger sees Scarlett splayed on the couch.
ROGER (CONT’D)
Scarlett!
CASSIE
She’s fine, I think. Just a little dazed. She’s coming around.
Roger kneels by her side.
ROGER
Scarlett, can you hear me?
Scarlett opens her eyes wide. A transformation
has come over her. When she speaks, she sounds
like Tallulah Bankhead.
SCARLETT
(as Tallulah)
Really, Ben! You look very silly in your nightgown. You shouldn’t show yourself.
ROGER
“Ben”? Scarlett, it’s Roger. Roger Wright. Your romantic leading man. Talk to me.
SCARLETT
No, don’t. I hate conversation before I’ve had something hot.
ROGER
Something hot?
CASSIE
Coffee! Joyce, is the sandwich man here yet?
JOYCE
He’ll be here soon. But I have some tea at my desk.
CASSIE
Good. Go get the tea.
Joyce dashes out one door as Monty enters
from the studio, new script in hand.
MONTY
Not to interrupt the party, but we do have a show to put on.
CASSIE
Show? My gosh, it’s time! Scarlett, are you ready to do this?
SCARLETT
Say anything about me, darling, as long as it isn’t boring.
ROGER
She seems … confused.
SCARLETT
Acting is a form of confusion.
CASSIE
We need to get her on her feet.
Roger and Cassie start to lift Scarlett up from
the couch.
MONTY
(brandishing the script)
Cassie, about these changes to tonight’s script…?
ROGER/CASSIE
Changes?
Cassie and Roger drop Scarlett and turn to look
at Monty’s script. Scarlett drops like a stone.
Cassie gets to the script first and starts
skimming through it.
CASSIE
What do you mean changes?
Monty indicates pages while Roger looks over
Cassie’s shoulder, wide-eyed.
MONTY
Here, and here, and here. The whole thing looks different.
CASSIE
Where did this come from?
MONTY
Hugh just brought them in.
CASSIE
Hugh?!?
Cassie bursts through the studio door, trailed by
Roger and Monty. They have completely
forgotten about Scarlett. Hugh has positioned
the gas tank near the audio booth and is showing
Essex how he can use it to fill balloons.
[NOTE: the conversation between Hugh and
Essex is mimed. We have yet to hear Essex
actually speak.]
CASSIE (CONT’D)
You! Hugh! What is this?
HUGH
It’s a compressed gas tank.
CASSIE
I mean this script! What is this?
HUGH
“Mystery at Midnight”.
CASSIE
Who authorized you to make these changes?
HUGH
I made them as head of sales.
As they argue over the script, an older blind
woman taps her way into the listening room. It
is Louella PEARSON, Hugh’s aunt and the head
of the family that owns the Grand Luxe hotel.
LOUELLA
Hello? Am I on time?
Scarlett hauls herself up from the couch.
SCARLETT
You’re right on time, darling, and so good of you to come.
LOUELLA
That voice. I’m certain I recognize it.
SCARLETT
You ought to. It’s been said that my voice is as steeped in sex as the human voice can go
without drowning.
LOUELLA
I can scarcely believe it! Tallulah Bankhead right here in my hotel?
Back in the studio, Essex knocks on the window
of his booth to get everyone’s attention, then
points to his watch. Three minutes to air!
CASSIE
Three minutes to air! Oh, no. Where’s Scarlett?
They turn and see Scarlett chatting with Louella
in the listening room.
HUGH
Aunt Lou!
CASSIE
Mrs. Pearson?
Cassie, Hugh, and Roger dash back out to the
listening room. Monty stands dutifully by his
microphone and glances at Essex, who is
throwing his hands up in exasperation. All
Monty can do is shrug.
HUGH
Aunt Lou, you made it.
CASSIE
Mrs. Pearson, I didn’t realize that you’d be joining us tonight.
LOUELLA
When Hugh invited me to come listen to the show, he told me that he had some surprises
in store. Well, you’ve certainly surprised me, nephew. Imagine, Tallulah Bankhead right
here in the Grand Luxe hotel.
CASSIE
Tallulah…? Oh, no…
HUGH
Oh yes, Aunt Lou! (nudging Cassie) All the way from Broadway, just like I promised.
ROGER
Tallulah Bankhead…?
SCARLETT
(still as Tallulah)
Pleased to meet you, darling.
ROGER
Good lord, she sounds just like her!
SCARLETT
Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.
CASSIE
Mrs. Pearson, I’m afraid that there’s been some misunderstanding.
LOUELLA
How’s that, dear?
HUGH
What Miss Wayne means is, you shouldn’t have to stay out here listening. If you
promise to be very quiet, you can sit in the studio and hear everything live.
LOUELLA
Splendid, Hugh. How thoughtful. I should like that ever so much. Miss Bankhead, would
you be so kind as to escort me.
Scarlett takes Louella by the arm and leads her
into the studio, trailed by Hugh and Roger.
Cassie chases after them.
CASSIE
Hugh! Hugh! What are you doing?
Hugh shows his aunt where to sit in one corner,
away from the microphones, then breaks away
and responds to Cassie.
HUGH
I told you, I’m doing what I can to make my Aunt Lou happy, to keep the radio station
going.
CASSIE
And to convince her that you should be general manager in the process. Why should I go
along with this?
HUGH
Do you really want your father to come back from London and learn that you lost his
station?
CASSIE
(defeated)
No…
Hugh turns away from her. Cassie has all of one
second to decide what to do. Then she looks
down and realizes that she still has Hugh’s
script in her hand. She glances through it once
more, then pulls him aside.
CASSIE (CONT’D)
Who are all these extra female characters? And why are they talking about cigarettes?
Having broken away from Louella, Scarlett is
now wandering around the studio. She is
immediately drawn to the compressed gas
cylinder and begins caressing it.
HUGH
Our new sponsors are trying to appeal to women.
CASSIE
But we’ve only got one actress, and she only has one voice.
SCARLETT
(as Tallulah, to the gas cylinder)
Hello, tall, bald, and handsome.
CASSIE
And that’s not it…!
Roger rushes over to Scarlett.
ROGER
Scarlett, honey, what’s come over you?
SCARLETT
(to Roger)
I’d like to kiss you, Darling, but I just washed my hair.
Essex, the sound man, knocks on the window
from his booth and points at his watch. One
minute to go!
CASSIE
One minute? One minute! Hugh, where are the old scripts?
HUGH
They’re gone. I destroyed them. This is the show we’re doing tonight.
MONTY
These scripts aren’t even bound. Which means this is bound to be a mess.
Cassie realizes now that she has to make the
best of it and take charge.
CASSIE
Monty, can you do this? Can you read the script cold?
Monty pulls himself up to his full 5’4″.
MONTY
Of course I can. We’re all professionals here.
CASSIE
Roger?
ROGER
Huh?
CASSIE
Roger, we’re on the air in less than one minute. Can you do this?
ROGER
I won’t let you down, Cassie. But Scarlett is in no shape.
Cassie grabs a script, runs over to Scarlett, and
presses it into her hands.
CASSIE
Scarlett, we need you to do this.
SCARLETT
Do what, darling?
CASSIE
We’re on the air in … ten seconds. Can you do this script cold?
SCARLETT
Of course, just show me where to stand.
Cassie and Roger lead Scarlett over to her
microphone. Everyone then turns to look at
Essex silently give the five second countdown,
so no one notices when Scarlett steps away and
begins bowing to an imaginary audience.
It’s 11:35 PM. The show begins. Philomena
plays suspenseful music.
MONTY
(as announcer)
WFRC presents — “Mystery at Midnight”! A New Year’s Eve tale of deception,
depravity … and death! When a rich tycoon is found shot at Bedsyde Manor, can
detective Ron Donnelly catch a murderer before the clock strikes twelve?
Cassie steps back and gives everyone a thumbs up.
Scarlett has abandoned her mic. Cassie looks
around in desperation and finds Scarlett fondling
the gas cylinder again. As she rushes over there,
the show continues.
ROGER
(as Detective Donnelly)
It was just my luck that the desk sergeant called me on New Year’s Eve. I had to break a
date with a tall bottle of gin that I had been courting for just such a night. But when I
heard the name Pembernuckle, I knew the lieutenant would send the best. Unfortunately
for every one, I’m the cop they reached first.
Cassie wrestles with Scarlett, who doesn’t want
to leave her gas cylinder. Meanwhile, Essex, the
audio man, creates the sounds of a car pulling to
a stop, a man getting out, and walking up a
gravel driveway. He knocks on the door, which
squeaks open.
MONTY
(as Purvis, the butler)
Yasss….?
ROGER
Names Donnelly. Detective. We got a call.
MONTY
Come in, Detective.
ROGER
The natty fellow in the tuxedo let me into a hallway big enough to house my entire
apartment and still have room for a beer truck. I looked around, but was disappointed
that the beer truck wasn’t there. As usual.
MONTY
Your coat, detective.
ROGER
It’s tweed. Thanks for asking.
MONTY
Very good, sir.
ROGER
Just that moment, Dame Pembernuckle appeared. I recognized her from all the society
pages that I glance past on my way to the racing results.
There is a long silence. They are waiting for
Scarlett. Even Philomena gets distracted and
stops playing the organ. Scarlett who is still
glued to her gas cylinder as Cassie tries to pry
her away.
Everyone looks at Cassie, who gives up trying
to pry Scarlett loose. Monty motions for
Philomena to start playing again.
ROGER (CONT’D)
It was a long walk down the staircase.
Roger raises his eyebrows to Essex in the sound
booth. Essex gets the clue and makes walking
sounds down a staircase.
Monty motions for Cassie to go to the mic.
Cassie waves her arms no. It’s a standoff. There
is still no Dame Pembernuckle. Philomena
continues playing her organ.
ROGER (CONT’D)
One of the longest staircases I’ve ever seen.
Suddenly, Joyce bursts in to the studio, carrying
a tea cup, not realizing that the show is live, and
exclaims in her kewpie-doll voice:
JOYCE
Here’s your tea, Miss … oh!
Monty motions for Joyce to come closer.
ROGER
Of course, she was walking slowly because she was carrying tea.
Monty takes the tea and passes it to Cassie.
Monty and Roger motion for Joyce to come up
to the mic. She waves them off, but they insist.
MONTY
(as the butler)
Your tea must be cold, madam. Allow me to refresh it.
JOYCE
No, I just made it at my desk.
Monty grabs the protesting Joyce and positions
her at a microphone. Roger hands her a script
and points to her line. Joyce is just confused.
LOUELLA
(to Hugh)
I declare, Hugh, radio certainly sounds different when it’s live.
Roger taps on Joyce’s script and points to the
mic. Joyce shakes her head but Roger silently
insists. Finally…
[NOTE: Joyce does not have the voice of a
radio star. Imagine Judy Holliday channeling
Minnie Mouse. But worse than that. She
certainly sounds nothing like a refined older
lady, let alone Tallulah Bankhead.]
JOYCE
“How do you do, detective.”
Roger and Monty wince, but it’s live radio so
they must go on.
ROGER
(still as Detective Donnelly)
I’m sorry to bust in so late, Mrs. Pembernuckle. Somebody called my lieutenant and he
sent me here.
Joyce is still confused. Roger points to her next
line in the script.
JOYCE
“It’s my husband. I’m afraid that he’s quite dead.”
Joyce looks up sadly at Roger.
JOYCE (CONT’D)
Oh, really? That’s so sad.
ROGER
Yes, Mrs. Pembernuckle. That’s very sad. But, uh … (Roger stops improvising and looks
for his place in the script) Do you need a detective or a coroner?
Joyce shakes her head. Roger points down at
her script again.
JOYCE
“There’s the rub, Detective. I’m quite convinced that he was … murdered?” … Oh, no,
that’s terrible.
ROGER
Terrible indeed, Mrs. Pembernuckle. But what makes you so sure?
Cassie hands the tea cup to Scarlett. To her
surprise, Scarlett takes it gratefully. As Scarlett
sips her tea, Cassie carefully guides her toward
Joyce’s microphone.
Joyce is just starting to get the hang of it.
JOYCE
“Simply put, my husband was too stubborn to die on his own, and he had too many
enemies.”
ROGER
He wasn’t a young man, Mrs. Pembernuckle. Why don’t we start with you showing me
the body.
Cassie finally maneuvers Scarlett to the proper
microphone, shoving Joyce to one side. Joyce
starts to protest, but Roger puts one hand on
her shoulder and shakes his head.
SCARLETT
(still as Tallulah)
Can’t I be allowed to finish my tea first?
ROGER
(improvising)
You go right ahead and finish your tea. I’m sure your husband isn’t going anywhere.
MONTY
(still as Purvis)
Ah, the tea has done wonders for your voice, madam.
SCARLETT
Yes, I feel in full form now. Where were we?
Roger takes Joyce’s script and hands it to
Scarlett, pointing out the line. Monty takes
Scarlett’s tea cup and hands it to Joyce.
MONTY
Let me take your tea, again, Madam.
SCARLETT
Yes, thank you. I see. (reading the line) “If you insist, Detective. Come right this way.”
Scarlett is very pleased with herself.
ROGER
The dame of Bedsyde Manor led me up the grand staircase. After the first four floors, I
nearly got a nosebleed from the pressure change.
Roger double-checks his script.
ROGER (CONT’D)
Fortunately, I always carry genuine cloth gentleman’s handkerchiefs from Verona’s
department store on Campbell Avenue in Downtown Roanoke.
Roger glances over at Hugh quizzically. Hugh
just nods with enthusiasm.
SCARLETT
In here, Detective darling.
ROGER
It’s Detective Donnelly, ma’am. There indeed was old man Pembernuckle, laid out
peacefully on his bed with the expensive linen, smartly dressed in his silk pajamas. I
recognized the ensemble from … Verona’s bedding department? He looked quite peaceful
except for the five inch hole in his upper chest large enough to stick my fist through.
Cause of death: heartbreak.
All the actors look at each other in confusion,
then over at Hugh sitting with his blind aunt.
LOUELLA
Verona’s department store? Oh yes, those are the merchants that provide all of the linen
in the hotel. Excellent choice, Hugh.
Hugh looks back at the actors and nods towards
his aunt. They get the message.
ROGER
(continuing as Donnelly)
I had to agree with the Lady … excuse me, now Dowager Pembernuckle.
SCARLETT
Quite suspicious, wouldn’t you agree, darling?
ROGER
It’s still Donnelly, ma’am. We need to lock down Bedsyde Manor. No one goes in or out,
and no one else comes into this room. I need to call my Lieutenant and get a forensics
team up here post-haste. Let’s seal this room and then you lead me to the nearest phone.
SCARLETT
I’m afraid that none of the phones are working.
ROGER
Then how did you call the station?
SCARLETT
I don’t know, darling, I have help to do that.
ROGER
I didn’t like this. I didn’t like this at all. I spoke to the stiff who let me into the house.
MONTY
(as the butler)
That is correct, sir. The phones all mysteriously stopped working shortly before you
arrived.
ROGER
I double-checked. The house phones were as dead as the Lord of the house himself. I
went out to use the radio in my car.
Essex makes the sound of walking on gravel,
then a car door opening, followed by a rattle and
a click.
ROGER (CONT’D)
The car radio was also dead. How could that be? I popped open the hood.
Essex makes the sound of a car hood being
opened.
ROGER (CONT’D)
My battery had been cut. That meant no one was leaving the scene of the crime, including
me. I stopped to light up a Chesterfield.
Roger glances over at Essex.
The sound man looks around in panic, then
pulls out his own cigarette, lights up, and takes
a long pull.
ROGER (CONT’D)
The smooth, cool, milder taste of Chesterfield is sure to satisfy every time.
Essex nods in agreement.
ROGER (CONT’D)
Suddenly, two shots rang out.
Essex picks up a lone balloon and pops it with
the lit end of his cigarette. He looks around and
realizes that he has no more balloons in the
booth.
His bag of unfilled balloons is next to the
compressed gas cylinder in the studio. Essex
taps in the glass to get Cassie’s attention, points
at the balloons, and points at the gas tank.
Cassie springs into action!
ROGER (CONT’D)
(vamping)
Fortunately, I had time to finish my Chesterfield. They’re milder with no unpleasant after
taste. So satisfying…
Cassie grabs a balloon and fills it with gas from
the cylinder. Monty pulls out a sharpened
pencil and waves at Cassie to bring the filled
balloon to him. She runs over to Monty, lets go
of the balloon, and it floats up to the ceiling.
They all just stand there staring upward, slack
jawed.
ROGER (CONT’D)
Huh, helium. (realizing that he is still on-air) …is lighter than air, like the smooth
satisfying taste of Chesterfield.
Cassie runs over, fills another balloon from the
cylinder, then dashes it back to Monty. He
readies it by the microphone and nods at Roger.
ROGER (CONT’D)
But as I was saying … Suddenly, two shots rang out.
Monty pops the balloon with his pencil. He and
Cassie both wave away the smell of the helium.
ROGER (CONT’D)
One some moments after the other. I ran back to the house.
Essex makes the sound of running on gravel, still
puffing on his cigarette.
Meanwhile, Scarlett has become newly
fascinated with the gas cylinder and has
wandered back over to it.
ROGER (CONT’D)
The same butler greeted me at the door.
MONTY
(again as the butler)
I say, what is all this beastly commotion?
ROGER
Where is Lady Pembernuckle?
Noticing that Scarlett’s microphone is
abandoned, Monty grabs Cassie and positions
her at it.
Scarlett has taken her script with her, so Roger
shares his.
CASSIE
(reluctantly)
He … here I am detective. (trying to channel Scarlett as Tallulah) Darling.
Roger shoots Cassie a “Really?” look. She just
shrugs.
ROGER
Whatever. I just heard two shots. Or possibly one. Or two, with some space in between.
The point is, there were definitely some gun shots. Are you all right?
CASSIE
I’m perfectly fine, detective. Are you certain about what you heard?
LOUELLA
(to Hugh)
That Tallulah Bankhead is such a marvelous actress. Listen to the things that she can do
with her voice.
MONTY
(as Purvis the butler)
I believe that the sound came from the kitchen, sir.
Essex makes the sound of walking and doors
swinging open.
Still at her mic, Cassie glances around the room
to spot Scarlett. To her horror, she sees Scarlett
has opened the valve to the helium cylinder and
is breathing in the gas. Cassie starts to step
away from the mic, but Roger stops her. Monty
dashes over to Scarlett in her stead as Cassie
continues to read the part of Lady
Pembernuckle.
CASSIE
There you are, detective. I’m sure that it was just Cook banging about with her pots and
pans.
Monty reaches Scarlett and pulls her away from
the gas cylinder, which by now is expelling
helium at an alarming rate. He shuts it off, but
not before getting a snoot full himself.
ROGER
It was Cook all right, but she wouldn’t be banging any more pots and pans. She was face
down in a pool of her own sauce, the hole in her back matching the one in the front of
Lord Pembernuckle. Stick a fork in her, she’s done.
CASSIE
Oh, dear!
ROGER
Standing over her was the largest, burliest French chef I have ever seen.
Monty staggers back to his microphone, still
reeling from breathing in all that gas.
MONTY
(in a squeaky, helium voice)
Sacré bleu, Mademoiselle Cook est mort!
Monty pulls away from the microphone,
stunned.
Meanwhile, Scarlett has opened up the valve to
the helium cylinder again, and the studio is
rapidly filling up with gas. Startled, Essex puts
out his cigarette. Cassie runs over to stop
Scarlett, trailed by Joyce.
ROGER
Lady Pembernuckle, you have a killer in the mansion. How many people are in this
house?
Roger looks around in panic.
There is no Lady Pembernuckle. Monty gamely
steps up.
MONTY
(as a helium-filled Lady Pembernuckle)
There is Purvis, the butler, two domestics, the chef and … well, I suppose you can take
Cook off that list. And myself, of course.
The valve on the cylinder is stuck open. Cassie
starts filling balloons with helium to keep the
gas from filling the room. Cassie hands the
balloons to Joyce, who knots them off and
hands them to Scarlett. Giddily, Scarlett ties
each balloon to a string.
ROGER
Fine. Assemble everyone in the Library. It’s time we got to the bottom of … Mystery at
Midnight. Brought to you by the good time party folks at Barbee’s Balloons. Barbee’s,
for all your balloon needs.
MONTY
(still helium-voiced)
We’ll be right back.
Monty signals to Philomena to play her organ.
Cassie signals for Essex to cut the mics. He
does. Monty doubles over coughing.
MONTY (CONT’D)
(coughing)
Thirty seconds, folks.
Cassie hands the balloon-filling job over to
Joyce.
CASSIE
Roger, get over here and see if you can shut this thing off!
Roger does just that. Cassie confronts Hugh.
CASSIE (CONT’D)
Hugh, why would you bring a defective helium gas canister into a radio studio?
HUGH
That must have been why they were willing to give it to me.
LOUELLA
Oh, Miss Bankhead.
Scarlett walks over to Louella, carrying about a
dozen helium-filled balloons. Roger is successful
in closing off the valve.
ROGER
Got it!
SCARLETT
(to Louella)
Yes, darling?
CASSIE
(responding to Roger)
Great! Can we open up any windows in here?
Roger, Monty, and Essex look around and shrug.
No windows.
LOUELLA
Miss Bankhead, you are such a wonderful actress. I love all the things that you can do
with your voice.
Monty hears this from across the room and is
mildly offended.
MONTY
Well!
SCARLETT
Thank you, darling. Have a balloon.
Scarlett hands a balloon to Louella.
CASSIE
Joyce, go find something to help clear the air in this room. Anything!
Joyce dashes out. Essex gives them the ten
second sign.
CASSIE (CONT’D)
Ten seconds! Monty, are you all right?
Monty clears his throat and gives Cassie a
thumbs-up.
CASSIE (CONT’D)
Roger?
Roger does the same.
CASSIE (CONT’D)
Scarlett!
Cassie finds Scarlett and steers her back to the
microphone. She is still holding her balloons.
Cassie gives Scarlett her script.
CASSIE (CONT’D)
Stay here. Read the script. And stay here.
SCARLETT
Of course, darling. Which way should I face?
CASSIE
Umm…? That way!
Cassie points downstage. Scarlett looks out at
the actual audience.
SCARLETT
Hello, darlings.
Cassie, Roger, and Monty look out towards
Scarlett’s imagined audience. Who is she talking
to? Never mind, the show must go on. Essex
continues his countdown. In three, two, one…
MONTY
(back to his normal announcer voice)
And now, act two of “Mystery at Midnight”…
ROGER
We were in the Library. The Library was filled with books. Books are filled with words.
Words can get you into trouble. I had asked the entire staff to assemble. Present were Lady Pembernuckle…
Roger nudges Scarlett to pay attention.
SCARLETT
Oh, hello, darling.
ROGER
Purvis, the butler.
MONTY
(as Purvis)
At your service, sir.
ROGER
Gerard, the burly French chef.
MONTY
(with a gruff French accent)
Oui, monsieur.
Roger pauses and looks at his script, then glares
at Hugh across the room before continuing.
ROGER
And two French maids from the Ooo-Laa-Laa Concierge and Cleaning Service on the
corner of Wonju and Broadway in downtown Roanoke.
Roger turns and looks at Scarlett, who seems
more interested in her balloons. He points to the
next line in the script. She examines it.
SCARLETT
Oh no, darling. I don’t do accents.
ROGER
Of course not, Lady Pembernuckle. I was looking at your maids.
Roger looks pleadingly at Monty. Monty
shakes his head and points at Cassie. Cassie
looks around desperately and realizes that she is
the only other woman in the room. She runs
over to Scarlett’s mic and looks at the script.
CASSIE
(as French maid)
Oui, monsieur. I am Mimi, ze French maid.
ROGER
And who might you be?
Roger looks at Cassie. Cassie looks down at her
script, then desperately between Roger, Scarlett,
and Monty. Scarlett smiles sweetly at Cassie.
CASSIE
(using the identical French maid voice)
And I am Fifi, ze other French maid.
ROGER
Where were you at eleven PM this evening?
CASSIE
Who me, monsieur?
ROGER
I’ll get to you in a second. I was talking to the other one.
CASSIE
You mean me, monsieur?
[NOTE: Cassie’s reading as Mimi and Fifi are
indistinguishable from each other]
ROGER
Yes, you first, then the other one.
CASSIE
At eleven PM, I was upstairs cleaning ze grand hallway.
ROGER
Why were you cleaning at eleven PM at night?
CASSIE
It is New Year’s Eve, monsieur. And at midnight, ze lady always opens a bottle of
champagne and we throw a little party.
SCARLETT
Oh, what fun. Yes, let’s do that. I’ll look for the champagne.
Scarlett starts to wonder away from her mic.
Roger and Cassie stop her.
ROGER
And what about you, Mimi? Where were you at eleven PM?
Cassie scans her script.
CASSIE
(normal voice)
That was Mimi, I think I’m Fifi.
ROGER
Are you sure?
They stop to examine Cassie’s script.
CASSIE
See, right there. That’s Mimi, I’m Fifi.
LOUELLA
Which one is which, Hugh?
ROGER
Of course, on your … name badge. That’s very convenient. You’re Fifi.
CASSIE
Oui, monsieur.
HUGH
(to Louella)
That’s Fifi.
ROGER
And you’re Mimi.
HUGH
And that must be Mimi.
CASSIE
Sure. I mean, oui, monsieur.
LOUELLA
I can’t tell them apart. Why isn’t Tallulah doing one of her voices?
ROGER
Yes, you have similar accents, but your voices are different.
Cassie and Roger turn and glare at Monty. He
still doesn’t want to do it, but they stare him
down until he relents.
ROGER (CONT’D)
(to Cassie)
So you’re Mimi.
CASSIE
Oui, monsieur. That is me, Mimi.
ROGER
(to Monty)
And you’re Fifi.
MONTY
(reluctantly, as a French maid)
Oui, monsieur.
LOUELLA
Oh, that’s better.
ROGER
(to Monty)
And where were you at eleven PM?
MONTY
(as French maid)
I was downstairs cleaning ze Library in my skimpy French maid outfit.
Monty glares at Hugh across the room. Hugh
nods and smiles lasciviously.
ROGER
So none of you were anywhere near the kitchen? No one, that is, except Gerard, the chef.
MONTY
(still using his French maid voice)
Oui, monsieur.
Monty switches to his gruff French chef voice.
MONTY (CONT’D)
I mean, oui, monsieur.
LOUELLA
All these French people get very confusing.
HUGH
Oui, Aunt Lou.
MONTY
(continuing as burly French chef)
I was in ze scullery when I heard a loud noise. I came out and found Cook on ze floor as
you see her.
ROGER
Did you see anyone else go out of the kitchen?
MONTY
Not that I could see, monsieur.
ROGER
His story actually checked out. When I saw Gerard over the body of the cook, he had no
gun. It would have been foolish for him to hide the weapon and then come back. That
meant either someone else in this room fired the gun, or someone else was hiding in
Bedsyde Manor.
Philomena plays a suspenseful flourish on her
organ.
ROGER (CONT’D)
Suddenly, the lights went out!
All the actors react.
SCARLETT
Oh dear!
MONTY
(as French chef)
Mon dieu!
CASSIE
(as French maid)
Ooo-laa-laa!
LOUELLA
Hugh, do something!
HUGH
It’s alright, Aunt Lou. The lights aren’t actually out.
LOUELLA
Are you sure?
ROGER
And two more shots rang out!
Monty looks at Essex. He just shrugs and
points at the balloons that Scarlett is holding.
Monty gets the message, pulls out his
sharpened pencil, and pops two of the balloons.
SCARLETT
Oh, what fun!
Scarlett pops two more of the balloons.
ROGER
The lights came back up, and there on the floor lay…
Philomena does another organ flourish.
Just then, the doors from the other side of the
room burst open and Joyce wheels in an
enormous room fan.
JOYCE
Don’t worry, everyone. I’ll have the air clear in this room in a jiffy.
Joyce turns on the fan and a huge wind roars
across the room. Everyone loses their scripts as
papers go flying up in the air. Roger clutches his
microphone and makes the best of it.
ROGER
(screaming to be heard)
Without warning, the windows flew open as a rotorcraft flew by outside!
Monty is jumping up in the air to catch all the
flying pages. Scarlett is clutching her balloons
and laughing wildly. Philomena is blown out of
her seat.
Safe in his booth, Essex lights another cigarette.
Hugh and Louella are just cowering. Cassie is
trying to work her way across the room, but
keeps getting blown over in the wind. She is
screaming at Joyce.
CASSIE
Turn it off! Turn it off!
Joyce, suddenly realizing the damage she is
doing, shuts off the fan.
All is silent for a moment, save the sound of
papers fluttering in the air.
SCARLETT
Do it again, darling. Do it again!
LOUELLA
I declare, Hugh, that was certainly realistic.
Roger is scrambling to find his pages. He looks
over at Essex, who signals him that the mics are
still live.
ROGER
The lights came back up, and there on the floor lay … the body of …
Roger grabs the first paper he can get his hands
on.
ROGER (CONT’D)
Durango Dick, dastardly cattle rustler!
Roger looks around confused. Monty grabs a
paper and reads.
MONTY
“Blast you, Dash Flannigan. You haven’t heard the last of me or my Martian hordes.”
ROGER
“Come along, Saddlehorn. There’s cattle to round up.”
Philomena shrugs her shoulders and starts
playing cattle round up music.
Cassie desperately rifles through script pages
until she finds a likely one and dashes it over to
Roger.
ROGER
Ah, there we are. It was nearly midnight on New Year’s Eve and already we had three
bodies … three? really? … and no end of suspects. There was the French maid.
Roger looks at Monty. Monty rolls his eyes.
MONTY
(as French maid)
Oui.
ROGER
Gerard the French chef.
MONTY
(as Gerard)
Oui.
ROGER
The other French maid?
MONTY
(as French maid)
Oui.
ROGER
And Purvis, the British butler.
MONTY
(as the butler)
Yassss….
ROGER
Which means…
Roger turns the paper over but can’t find the
next page. Cassie is still looking.
ROGER
…it was Lady Pembernuckle whose body we found after the lights came back up?
SCARLETT
No, darling, I’m still here. Right as rain. Would you like a balloon?
Roger would not like a balloon.
ROGER
So that means the third body…
Roger looks at Monty. Monty shrugs.
ROGER (CONT’D)
…must have been?
Roger looks over at Cassie, who’s still rifling
through script pages. Cassie turns to Hugh at
the other side of the room and they all whisper
shout at each other.
CASSIE
Hugh!
HUGH
Huh?
CASSIE
Who was the body?
HUGH
Who?
CASSIE
Yes, who?
HUGH
Mimi.
ROGER
You, Hugh?
SCARLETT
Yoo-hoo!
HUGH
No, Mimi…
ROGER
Me?
HUGH
Roger.
ROGER
Me, Roger?
HUGH
(pointing at Cassie)
No, her. Mimi.
ROGER
Her, Hugh?
CASSIE
Who?
ROGER
So Hugh?
Essex taps on the glass and points at the clock.
It’s almost midnight.
ROGER
Got it. The body on the floor was that of … Hugh Pearson, head of sales at radio station
WFRC.
LOUELLA
Well I certainly didn’t see that one coming.
ROGER
Which means the murderer could only have been…
The clock strikes midnight. Offstage, we hear
bells, whistles, and shouts of “Happy New
Year”. This goes on for just a moment and then
all the lights suddenly go out, save for a dim
glow in the audio booth.
Essex speaks for the first time.
ESSEX
(shouting)
Blackout!
Essex kills the last remaining light. There is
much confusion. People bumping into each
other, equipment falling over.
Hugh is calling out “Aunt Lou?”; Louella is
calling out “Hugh? Where are you?” Scarlett is
laughing madly and popping the last of her
balloons. It is utter chaos for a long minute.
The lights come back on. Everyone is coupled
off. Cassie and Hugh are locked in a passionate
kiss, as are Monty and Louella, Roger and
Joyce, and Essex and Philomena in the audio
booth. Scarlett is in the corner making out with
the gas cylinder.
And in the middle of the room stands someone
we haven’t seen before, a man in a white
delivery uniform. It’s the SANDWICH MAN,
and he looks perplexed.
SANDWICH MAN
Did someone order sandwiches?
Nearly everyone is startled. Monty breaks
away from Louella and returns to his
microphone. Philomena straightens herself up
and resumes playing her organ. Roger and Joyce
break apart. Scarlett separates herself from the
gas cylinder. Cassie and Hugh, however, are still
at it.
ROGER
I could use a bite.
JOYCE
Me too.
SCARLETT
Darling, I’m famished.
LOUELLA
That sounds splendid.
Scarlett takes Louella by the arm and the four of
them converge on the Sandwich Man, who
starts passing out their orders. Only Cassie and
Hugh keep kissing, oblivious to the world
around them.
Philomena plays the outro music.
MONTY
(on mic)
And thus ends “Mystery at Midnight” brought to you by…
Joyce runs over and gives Monty a sheet.
MONTY (CONT’D)
Verona’s department store, home of fine linen and cloths for the entire family.
Chesterfield cigarettes, there’s nothing like the smooth satisfying coolness of a
Chesterfield. The good time party folks at Barbee’s Balloons. Barbee’s, for all your balloon needs. And Ooo-laa-laa Concierge and Cleaning Service, when you want everything in your
house to be “Ooo-laa-laa…!”
Everyone turns and looks at Cassie and Hugh,
still locked in a kiss. The two become aware,
break away, stand awkwardly, and shake hands.
HUGH
Happy New Year.
CASSIE
Happy New Year.
MONTY
“Mystery at Midnight” is presented by WFRC. WFRC, We Freely Radiate Cheer on
your radio dial. I’m Monty Blank, wishing you a good night and a happy 1940!
Philomena finishes with a flourish.
Essex gives them the signal that the station is off
air.
MONTY
And we’re off-air. Happy New Year, everyone!
Monty steps over to the crowd by the
Sandwich Man. Everyone joins in, shaking hands and slapping
each other on the back. Cassie faces Hugh,
speechless.
CASSIE
That was … That was … !!!
LOUELLA
That was splendid, everyone. Let’s do the exact same thing next year!
Cassie and Hugh look at each other in surprise.
Cassie rolls her eyes, smiles, and punches Hugh
on the arm.
HUGH
We saved the station, Cassie.
CASSIE
We did. And I’m still general manager.
Hugh bows in defeat.
LOUELLA
Hugh, it’s well past my bedtime. Someone take me to my driver.
JOYCE
I’ve got you, Mrs. Pearson. Goodnight, everyone! Coming, Roger?
Roger grins and exits with Joyce and Louella as
people call out “goodnight!” and more “Happy
New Year”s.
The Sandwich Man waves and exits.
Essex shuts down his equipment, locks his
audio booth, and walks out without saying a
word.
Monty approaches Cassie.
MONTY
You did good, kid.
CASSIE
Thanks, Monty. I just wonder if the phone is going to ring in the morning and it’ll be the
network people.
MONTY
Network people?
CASSIE
I’ll explain tomorrow. You go home.
Monty exits with Philomena. Cassie
approaches Scarlett.
CASSIE
Scarlett, are you going to be all right?
SCARLETT
(back to her normal voice)
I’m just fine. We had a bit of fun, didn’t we?
CASSIE
Really? Do you know who you are?
SCARLETT
I am Scarlett Starworthy, star of stage, screen … and radio!
CASSIE
You really are the finest actress I have ever seen.
SCARLETT
(in her Tallulah voice)
If you really want to help the American theater, don’t be an actress, darling. Be an
audience.
Scarlett grabs the helium cylinder and wheels it
out.
SCARLETT (CONT’D)
Don’t expect me in too early tomorrow, darling. I have plans.
Scarlett exits with the cylinder, leaving Hugh
and Cassie alone.
HUGH
So…
CASSIE
So…?
HUGH
Should we talk about…?
CASSIE
No.
HUGH
Is there anything…?
CASSIE
I’ll lock up.
HUGH
Can I…?
CASSIE
That would be nice.
HUGH
I’ll wait outside, then.
Cassie nods. Hugh exits.
Cassie looks around the studio, then heads out,
turning off the lights. Just as she is about to
leave the listening area, the phone rings. She
hesitates, then picks it up.
CASSIE
(on phone)
WFRC, Cassie Wayne, General Manager.
A beat. Cassie smiles.
CASSIE (CONT’D)
Happy New Year to you too, Daddy. How’s London?
LIGHTS OUT.
END OF PLAY