In the summer of 2016, I wrote this little exercise inspired by Humpty Dumpty, turning Donald Trump and friends into essentially a Warner Bros. cartoon. It was a bit of silliness written when Donald Trump was just the clown candidate and we thought he was still funny.

SCENE I

(An overdecorated office with tall windows looking out over a vast landscape. Enter DUCKY TRUMPTY, a duck, and his porcine lackey, HAM HAMMIE.)

TRUMPTY
It’s huge, I tell you. It’s everything I promised it would be. More! This is the most wonderful wall ever built, trust me. It makes that wall in China look like a velvet rope at a Bayonne nightclub. And right here, right on top of the highest point in the wall, my office. An office fit for a king. Or, you know, president. Whatever.

HAMMIE
It’s m…m…magnificent, sir.

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