“Lulu” was my contribution to Barhoppers 2013, with Claire Chandler as Lulu, cameos by Gene Donovan and Elizabeth Derby, and directed by Sean Chandler. This was recorded at Milli Joe’s Coffeehouse in Charlottesville VA on August 13, 2013. The text is below.

a short play about a woman meeting a man

(A bar filled with mostly men. Enter Lulu, an attractive woman dressed for a night out. Drink in hand, she heads for a seat next to SINGLE GUY.)


May I?

(SINGLE GUY nods. Lulu takes the seat.)

I’m Lulu.

(He glances at her, smile wanly, nods his head, but says nothing else.)

I was supposed to meet my friend here, Kate, but she hasn’t shown. Do you know Kate?

(SINGLE GUY does not respond.)

No, I guess not.

(LULU glances around, perhaps looking for a different empty seat with a more conversational companion. Seeing none, she fixes her gaze back on SINGLE GUY. During her monologue, SINGLE GUY responds very little, if at all.)

My friend Kate, she says the best people come to this place. This is where she met her last boyfriend, but she’s single again now.

It’s a little sad, though, don’t you think? All those single people coming here, getting a little liquored up just so they have the courage to talk to a stranger?

I like parties. I think parties are much nicer places to meet people, don’t you? You go to a party to have a good time, you know what I mean? Why, it’s right in the name: “party”.

But a bar? You don’t come here to “bar”. You come here to drink. They should call it the drink. “I’m going down to the drink. You want to come?”
That sounds like you’re going to the reservoir, though, doesn’t it?

Isn’t it funny how some words mean what they mean, and other words don’t make sense? Do you know what my favorite word is? “Chandelier”. It’s such a lovely word. Don’t you think so? How it sounds? “Chandelier”. I wish my mother had named me Chandelier.

You’re quiet tonight. It’s her, isn’t it? You’re thinking about someone who broke your heart once. I know it hurts, but if you let me, I can help you. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just get back on that horse.

Not that I’m a horse. I am a woman, with my own desires and my own feelings. How long will it take you to recognize that? How long before you understand my own needs?

I’m sorry. I know how much pain you’re in. Maybe you just need more time. Maybe … maybe we should take a break.

(long pause)

Do you think about me sometimes? Do you wake up in the middle of the night and feel me not next to you and wonder “was I ever really man enough for Lulu?”

I believe you were. Oh, I might not have made you feel that way at the time, but you had your ways to make me happy.

It’s almost funny, isn’t it, in a tragic sort of way? If only we could have talked like this then. It’s not too late, is it? Do you believe in second chances? I do.

No, don’t say it, just take me. I can resist you no longer.

(Lulu throws herself open wide in expectation, arms and legs akimbo, head to one side.)

We may regret it tomorrow morning, but we would be sorrier still the rest of our lives if we did not seize this moment.

(SINGLE GUY finally looks up. ANOTHER WOMAN enters the bar and approaches him. He stands up, they embrace, then walk off together.)

(LULU eventually notices.Pulling herself back together, she looks after the departing couple, then around the bar. She notices ANOTHER MAN sitting alone at a table nearby. She slides over to him.)


May I?


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